Thursday, 19 October 2017

Abinadi: The Homer Simpson of the Book of Mormon


Let me set the scene for you.

Poor Homer, looking for a way to boost his self-esteem, wanders into an adult education facility and gets roped into teaching a class on marriage:

MANAGER: Mr. Simpson…we may have a job for you after all. We need someone to teach a course on how to build a successful marriage.

HOMER: I'll do it! Anything to get me out of that house, away from all that nagging, and noise... uh, of a family of love. Tra-la-la-la!

After a shaky start to the first class, Homer realizes he can keep the attention of his students by spilling family secrets, and reveals that he and Marge fight about money, and that she dyes her hair. When Marge finds out, she is furious and forbids him from discussing family matters in class.

So in the second class, Homer does his darndest to not reveal any personal details, but the class quickly loses intererst and starts to head towards the door…

HOMER: No wait! Uh, wait, yes! I do have a story about two other young married's.

The class sit back down.

HOMER: Now the wife of this couple has an interesting quirk in the bedroom. It seems she goes wild with desire if her husband nibbles on her elbow.

MRS. KREBAPPEL: We need names!

HOMER: Well, let's just call them... uh, 'Mr. X' and 'Mrs. Y'. So anyway, Mr. X would say, "Marge, if this doesn't get your motor running, my name isn't Homer J. Simpson!"

(The Simpsons 5:22, Secrets of a successful marriage. Greg Daniels.)

Such silliness can only happen in carton sitcoms and to someone as buffoonish as Homer J, right?



Now let set you another scene, one from the Book of Mormon.

Book of Mormon caricature King Noah is ruling during a period of prosperity. As there is nothing to keep him or his people humble, they have descended into abominations, wickedness, and whoredoms (Mosiah 11: 20). So the Lord sends Abinadi to call them all to repentance, lest they be visited by His anger, and conquered by their enemies.

As one might imagine, King Noah does not take kindly to Abinadi’s words of warning:

…Who is Abinadi, that I and my people should be judged of him, or who is the Lord, that shall bring upon my people such great affliction? I command you to bring Abinadi hither, that I may slay him, for he has said these things that he might stir up my people to anger one with another, and to raise contentions among my people; therefore I will slay him.” (Mosiah 11: 27, 28)

So fearing for his life, Abinadi goes into hiding for two years, after which he is ready to cry repentance to the people once more. But there’s a problem. King Noah wants him dead, so as soon as he starts preaching, he is going to be arrested. That is, unless he has a cunning plan. If he were to put on a disguise, he’d be able to speak to the people without anybody realizing that he is in fact Abinadi. Let’s see how that worked out for him…

And it came to pass that after the space of two years that Abinadi came among them in disguise, that they knew him not, and began to prophesy among them, saying: Thus has the Lord commanded me, saying—Abinadi… (Mosiah 12: 1)

In my head, when I read that, someone shouts out “Hey! It’s Abinadi! Get him!” and Abinadi mumbles “D’oh!”



I do not believe that the Book of Mormon is true. I don’t think that it is historical, I do not even accept that it could be inspired fiction. One reason is that there are clumsy amateurish episodes like the one above scattered throughout the Book.

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